My Reverse Christmas List
Presents come in different shapes and sizes. For the first 20 or so years of my life, they came in actual wrapping paper. Whether they were stuffed animals, toy trucks, the new pair of shoes I wanted, or some new piece of clothing, I always had many things on my Christmas list.
However, throughout the past several months, I have received gifts I never would have thought of scribbling down on a loose leaf sheet of paper, headed straight to the North Pole.
“The ironic tragedy is that life has to be lived forward to only understand in reverse.” - Unknown
Since my appearance at the First Stage of Q-School that resulted in a missed cut back in mid-October, I have had an abundance of time to think and reflect. It can be easier to take things for granted, or lack some analysis, when I am traveling from event to event and staying busy. Yet, these past two months have served as a reflective period, looking back on my first six months as a professional, and all I have to be thankful for.
The first gift I have received on my 2024 Reverse Christmas List is my community of supporters. Professional golf can be a lonely existence. Long car rides turn into hours of silence with little interaction other than a few honks and “hello and goodbye” exchanged with gas station attendants.
A particular period of time on the road that sticks out to me is my five hour drive from Minot, North Dakota to a sleepy town outside of Winnipeg. A drive that could’ve easily consisted of mindless Spotify listening, coupled with a brief connection with a border patrol officer, ended up being 5 hours of nonstop phone calls and check-ins. For 60 miles on US Route 2 I saw one other car (it was actually a tractor). But on those barren roads, I felt such a sense of community and belonging.
Not only am I grateful for the supporters I hear from, but I also value those who play just as big of a role in the background. The ones who scroll leaderboards and hit refresh more times than they should. The ones that check in with me once in a blue moon, to share a story of their own. The ones who have selflessly gifted towards my dream. There is strength in numbers, and I definitely feel that often.
Another gift on my Reverse Christmas List has been presented in moments of struggle. I have been lucky to experience a lot of highs during my first summer as a professional golfer. But as we know, with those highs, come lows.
The gifts I receive on the golf course often come in strange wrapping. They aren’t the birdies that help on the way to a course record or a new personal low. They aren’t the lucky breaks when a ball is headed towards a penalty area. The gifts are the double bogey on 16 to miss the cut by two. The missed cut that leads to a weekend with no plans and nowhere to go. The gift is a sense of being lost only to be found a few moments later.
I know this journey we are on is not a linear one. I know it will be a lot more rocky than I intend or want it to be, yet I am grateful for not only the perspective I have learned to cope with the ups and downs, but also the learning lesson each low moment provides.
I remind myself of this Kobe Bryant quote often: “There is no winning or losing, just learning.”
The final gift on my Reverse Christmas List is the time I get to reset. As I prepared for professional golf, I was conditioned to believe it was ‘go go go’ with one tournament after the other and with very little rest days. And for a stretch of time, it did feel like that. Yet, in these last two months, it has been a great present to create a routine at home, spend time with family, and prepare for the upcoming season. The Golf Practice has been a second home of mine during these chilly days in Chicago, and I owe them a lot in providing me a space to learn, grow, and teach as I pursue my dream.
The best gift I can continue to receive this year is the present moment. I know the road before me will be unpredictable, but its learning experiences will be worthwhile.
I leave my Christmas list there. A little crumpled up and weathered, my year filled with lots of miles on it, and even more experiences. Many priceless gifts found their way under the tree this year. And I know in the future, there will be a lot more unwrapping to do.
